layton Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 I've discovered at HUGE cover-up by the church. Jesus came back from the dead all right...as a ZOMBIE!!! This is what happened: Jesus somehow became a zombie around his 33rd birthday, possible from the act of cannibalism from his last supper. After eatting the body of Christ and drink the blood of Christ, Jesus started acting funny and Ponches Pilot (hebrew for zombie hunter) couldn't kill the Zombie Jesus so in order to restrain him, nailed Jesus to a cross so he would stop roaming around gnawing on peoples arms and droning on endlessly about BRAINS!!!! It took the roman army thousands of soldiers to clean up the mess of raving zombies infected by the orginal zombie Jesus. All artifacts such as the holy grail (infected with the Zombie Jesus's blood...thus granting "eternal life") were gathered up by the vatican after the crusades (the Zombie Wars) and kept in secret vaults to further study in case the Zombie Jesus came back to turn all of humanity into Zombies, as foretold in the book of revalations. what happened was that after drying out in the sun on the cross, the zombie Jesus appeared dead and was burried. But they never cut off his head! So he was burried, but (however many) days later, the Zombie Jesus came back to "life" again and hasn't been seen, but rumored to be roaming the countryside in search of brains, brains, and more brains. Every so often the Zombie Jesus will bite an innocent bystander and they will become zombies. A priest is called in to perform an "exorcism," otherwise known as de-zombiefication. The reason i mention this is i was driving around and saw a large empty cross. This must have meant that the Zombie Jesus somehow got down and is terrorizing forest park in portland oregon. BEWARE THE ZOMBIE JESUS!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knotzen Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 Word of the day: de-zombiefication Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olyclimber Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 Went to a party I danced all night I drank 16 beers And I started up a fight Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cook Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 de-zombiefication is only funny to those who who have never experienced it. The only known cure is the elusive 40 of lucky lager. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dru Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 We've got the Zombie Jesus See him on the interstate We've got the Zombie Jesus He helped build the president's estate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dechristo Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 Michael Layton aka Dan Brown. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cj001f Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 Michael Layton aka Dan Brown. Brown has better sex scenes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
layton Posted October 14, 2005 Author Share Posted October 14, 2005 Very funny. You won't be laughing when the zombie jesus gnaws on your skull Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Camilo Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 Nice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Camilo Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cj001f Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 Very funny. You won't be laughing when the zombie jesus gnaws on your skull No, I'll be laughing when your first patients lawyers give me their referral bonus. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knelson Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chirp Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EWolfe Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 You will all burn in hell for this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catbirdseat Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 Blasphemers! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foraker Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 Somebody got into some bad mushrooms last night... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fenderfour Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 I have spent a surprising amount of time watching this guy's head explode repeatedly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Camilo Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 I have spent a surprising amount of time watching this guy's head explode repeatedly. Sorry. I had a beer last night. Where's divot? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cj001f Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 Sorry. I had a beer last night. With or without antifreeze? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Camilo Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 That would be wine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spicoli11 Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 I once saw the zombie jesus....he looks like a zombie jesus. No kidding Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cj001f Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 That would be wine. What's the proper adulturant for beer? Strychnine? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archenemy Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 I have spent a surprising amount of time watching this guy's head explode repeatedly. To make this scene, they shot a painted watermellon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spicoli11 Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 Gallagher would be pissed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Camilo Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 agebottom: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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